Two years ago this week, the "dreaded" phone call came. After an unsightly mole appeared on the back of my thigh, the dermatologist's office called and confirmed my worst fears-it was MELANOMA.   Further  testing and additional waiting....led to Stage 3A....not a good place.  Up until this point in my 48 years, cancer was something that had remotely touched my life....student's parents, neighbors,  distant friends.... and I  had included myself on meal chains, dropped cards in the mail, and added them to my prayer list...but those interactions did nothing to prepare me for the next 2 months of my life.

Today, it all seems like a blur.  Occasionally, scents remind me of the chemo treatments, and there continues to be a myriad of appointments to specialists to determine if the monster has reared its ugly head and returned, but overall, the whole experience feels as if it happened to another person or in another lifetime.  However, each and every day, I  still feel the gratitude that comes with being  desperately vulnerable and needing people- and them being there.  It is a humbling experience for high school friends you have lost contact with to join you in the chemo-treatment room, for families of students you taught years ago to show up with dinner,  and  for your closest family and friends to have to put their lives on hold to help you.  The value of your  daily interactions with others  is mirrored in their  willingness to help during times like this...and it is a humbling experience, indeed.

Ironically, my youngest child- my constant companion- moved into her  freshman dorm the same day I was diagnosed.  I am quite sure God knew I was going to have a difficult time when she left, so he made sure I had other ways to occupy my time.  In a strange way, the cancer provided me a focus...and even made me grateful my daughter was leaving so she would not have to witness what followed. It is true what they say....God works in mysterious ways. 

My experience was minimal compared to what others are facing- but I now approach others who are going through this (and other similar situations) with a stronger understanding of what they  might need and a greeter desire to help.  Now,  I am a part of a club I did not choose- but, I feel grateful to belong nevertheless..

For almost 48 hours my living room has been converted to a camp site for ten   17 and 18 year old young men- and I could not be happier.  I know, sounds like I need to have my head examined- but there is  an ever- constant nagging voice in the back of my mind which I am constantly pushing away.  This voice seeks to remind me that this time next year, Davis and his friends will be long gone.  Two snow days..... So the water-soaked hard wood floors, 4 bags of chic hen nuggets, gallons of milk, tea and gatorade, numerous bags of chips,  and all night games of Diplomacy are a small price  to pay to have the background noise of laughter and good-natured ribbing in the adjoining room.  Soon....it will be full of silence.
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    Raising a teenage daughter has heightened my awareness to the pitfalls associated with technology, especially in the world of adolescents.   Technology is important, and I am by no means suggesting we ban or restrict our children from it, because to be successful in the world they are going to live in, it is imperative they be skilled in its use.  However, I do think we as parents need to monitor its use and learn as much about it as possible to help our children navigate these new waters.
     Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat,  Kik,  Vine........each ap has its own special function.  Our teens are addicted to "being connected" and each ap helps them maintain these connections.  Facebook  which was once considered taboo by many parents is probably the safest among all of these because so many parents have incorporated its use into their own lives.  Teens are not necessarily  wanting to hide things, but they  crave the autonomy that all teens do, so they are perpertrating a mass exodus of Facebook in search of   places with less parental traffic. 
     Most of the social website aps have safety features built in.  For example, you can set your Instagram and Twitter accounts to private so you are only contacted by people you have approved.  This features helps eliminate the possibilities of random strangers making contact with your child under false pretense.  Vine and Facebook  also require you to subscribe and/or create accounts to interact with other people, so again, this provides an element of safety. However, not all social networking aps  offer these safety features. 
          One of the scariest social networking aps I have seen is called ask.fm. It is most popular in our area for 6th - 8th graders.   Several years ago, a similar ap called Formspring was  used and adolescent girls across the country were subjected to crude and degrading comments.  Comments from"Kill yourself, no one likes you"  to explicit sexual comments were being posted on the walls of girls as young as 10 years old.   Educators in many schools stepped in and requested parents discourage their teens from providing an opportunity to be degraded this way.  Now, the newest middle school fasination is Ask.fm, which operates very similarly to Formspring.   Ironically, the majority of the posts on this ap are happy and positive. but it only takes one message telling a teenage girl how ugly she is to undo hundreds of positive ones. Ask.fm is based in the country of Latvia and is a popular (with just over 30 million users worldwide)  social question-and-answer site for youth in the United States, United Kingdom and around the world. Unlike other similar sites, it does not offer parental controls and allows complete anonymity.  Imagine having the freedom to say anything you wanted to anyone without them knowing it is you.......
      So as we navigate these waters together, encourage you middle school children to keep their social networking accounts set on private.  Have open conversations about the kinds of things that are inappropriate and for now, encourage them not to  ASK.fm.

 Almost two decades  ago we made a decision to raise a family in this picture-perfect community, and rarely have I regretted that decision.  Here the community parades  are composed of moms and dads leading the pack with  little ones  trailing behind  on decked out bikes; brisk  Saturday- mornings  throughout the fall are filled with squeals of delight as not -much- bigger- than- toddler sized competitors swarm the soccer ball relentlessly vying for the next toe tap in the direction of the goal, and blue- ribbon awarded elementary school classrooms boast as many parent volunteers as students.     It is picturesque, indeed. However, raising children here has proven to be a double-edged sword though as parents are  ever ready to slice clear through any impropriety.
             One of the beauties of a small community is everyone knows everyone else.  What a sense of peace to send your child home with friends or neighbors you have known since birth.  Throughout elementary school we were blessed with friendships and families whose values reflected our own.  The picturesqueness continued.
            Once we ventured from the safe, secure world of elementary school into the tumultuous world of middle school, I caught my first glimpse of what could be considered as the flaw of our community.  The same close knit neighbors who shared in each step of our childhood adventures continued to look out for  our children.....but somewhere along the line the collaborative approach to raising a community of well- rounded individuals had been replaced with an air of righteousness, superiority, and condemnation. The complex situation we were placing adolescents in became clear.  It was like our teens were being placed in a fishbowl where all of their actions were magnified.  To make matters worse, these eyes belonged to parents who somehow felt other adolescents mistakes somehow validated their superiority as a parent....so everyone  patted themselves on the back by focusing on the indiscretions of others.  I  have never really understood  how  discussing the length of Mary Sue's shorts made someone feel like a better parent? 
                  Adolescence, by definition, is the period where our children are suppose to make mistakes...because that is a cornerstone of finding out who you are....and isn't that what adolescents are doing?  The grownups they learned as children  to trust and value the opinions of are the same people who are becoming the most critical of their actions.  As a teacher who habitually works with middle school and high school students, I can promise you they are ALL going to make mistakes.   They need to experience mistakes, and the consequences and embarrassment that accompany them, but they need to also know this is normal and not be made to feel like they are evil. I would not want to grow up in the world we live in today.......I know I made lots of mistakes as a teen, but there were no I-phones to video each mistake, no Instagram to share it with 253 people, who then each  snapshot it and send it on  to 10 other people...ect.  I made my mistakes in the company of a handful of friends,  went to school the next day and felt a little awkward around them, and then a few weeks later someone else made a mistake and it was all forgotten about.    Well, maybe that is  a good consequence of all this technology- bet we don't have to wait weeks until the next person makes a mistake:)

After almost 20 years of marriage, I am still thrilled to see my precious husband pull into the driveway.  Forty-five seconds before I can see the blur of his white truck rounding the corner, I can hear the roar of his diesel engine and I feel a slight quickening of the pulse.   I know I sound corny, but he still has the same effect on me today  he did when we first married.  Our life is by no means perfect, and we have weathered our share of difficulties, but the fact of the matter is, we made a conscious choice to be happy, so we are.
     Over half of marriages today end in divorce.  Both my parents and my sweet husband's biological parents were divorced, and I believe being the child of divorced parents has instilled within me a almost desperate desire to provide stability for our children.  Dave's unconventional family make-up also prompted him to cling a little tighter to our family unit and as a result, we weather the conflicts surprisingly well.   We face problems and obstacles daily, but we respect and value each other's ideas- and not making it work is just not an option.
     Despite this, a new phase in our relationship is looming and I  feel  a sense of apprehension.   In less than 20 months, we will be emptynesters.  That seems so unbelievable.  For 18 years, our daily activities have centered around these little people running around our house. Soccer games, football picnics, playgroups, homework, dinners, projects........ we unbegrudgingly ran from one activity to the next.  But in not- much- time at all , our lives will no longer spiral around others.         We will have to rediscover ourselves  and that is a scary prospect!

Can I turn the clock back 18 years?.....Everytime I run across a blog where paarents are sharig funny stories from their children's lives, I feel a sense of sadness.  Sure, I kept a baby book- but really, what good is that? So they will have a list of what height they were on a specific birthday, and know who brought them gifts to the hospital...who really cares?  Mommy bloggers are creating a daily  journal of events in their children's lives  with thoughts, feelings and sometimes even pictures.  Can I go back and have a do over?

     It is official.  I have discovered Netflix.  Working closely with 2 twenty-something techies provided me an opportunity to learn about a whole new world: binge television.    Breaking Bad, Weeds, Walking Dead, House of Cards.....each of these shows contain characters who have infiltrated my life  through our consecutive episode marathons.  For those of you unfamiliar with Netflix Binges, you can log onto NETFLIX and watch entire  series.  Probably, if I had run across one episode of any of these shows, I would have glanced at it for a moment and then continued clicking....however, there is something to be said for being able to watch the first  episode and continue immediately into the next moments of these characters lives.  It is easy to develop an emotional attachment to the world they live in.  We care more because the characters become a part of our daily routine. When we are given unlimited access to an entire series, We become addicted —and cannot help but consume the story as fast as possible....even to the point we start to feel a sense of loss as the end looms closer. With the ascension of video streaming platforms like Netflix, are we looking at a change in the entertainment world we have come to know?  Netflix has already created 2 series which have never been on television.  The entire series was filmed and "dumped" onto Netflix simeltaneously.  the immediacy factor we have come to  expect in so many other aspects of our life is  making int way into our television watching as well. 

     Tomorrow our family will be heading to University of Alabama for a day of  college exploration. Davis relentlessly managed to schedule himself (and us, I suppose),  a total of 6 appointments tomorrow...from admissions directors and theater  enthusiasts to Honor's College counselors.   Each meeting is geared to bring him closer to the  finding his ideal college. 
     Just a mere six weeks ago he approached us with an intimidating spreadsheet which calculated the advantages and disadvantages of as many as a dozen universities.  Calculations and ratings based on city population,  degrees offered, percentage of acceptance, average test scores.....any or all of these were considered in the final deliberations.  None of his calculations, however,  focused upon the things I perceived to be important- like  tuition costs, scholarship opportunities,  and distance away from me.   Upon perusal of the final list, I winced.  I have no idea how Dave and I, two people who have never lived more than 125.7 mles from Chattanooga, have raised a son who is so independent and unafraid to explore the world,  but the inclusion of BU and Columbia on this meticulously crafted masterpiece indicates we have.
     The entire college selection and acceptance  experience is so foreign to me- and  I never had the opportunities available to me that he will have.   Just yesterday he was this this red-headed toddler with ringlet curls bobbling up and down as he sat and methodically worked jigsaw puzzles upside down so only the cardboard showed. He never chose the conventional way of doing things.  And now tomorrow in the face of these college overseers, this  same not-so curly ginger  will be opening his folder which was put together in the same methodical way he once worked those puzzles...... and he will continue on his search for the ideal school....in his non-conventional way.